A Precarious Balance

Sometimes this is what my life feels like. That somehow, despite all odds, I am still upright, and yet barely teetering and tottering in a balance that can potentially be thrown into chaos at any moment. On the outside, people think I have it together. They think I am calm, happy, confident, and without a care. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I cling to sanity, not because I want to but because I have to. It’s the only way to survive. I have to convince the world that I am sane, that I am normal, that I am functional, that I am happy, that I am problem free. I am not allowed to share with the world my reality, my world, my pain, my turmoil.

Perhaps through this blog I can begin to crack open, even if the smallest bit, the wall that divides me from the outside world. Perhaps this blog can act as a portal to transport others into the crazy and chaotic realm in which I exist. Why anyone might want to enter into this world is beyond me, yet I won’t make that decision for them. Good luck. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “A Precarious Balance

  1. Bourbon

    I consider myself warned…. but for as long as you will be writing… I will be reading. I’m sorry that all the good stuff: sanity, happiness, funtional feels like something you have to convince others of. I hope one day you will be able to feel them for real. I have never felt them much, but when I do, it’s glorious 🙂

  2. Those things are not entirely out of my reach. I have experienced glimpses of them myself. If I hadn’t I don’t think I would still be here. You need at least a taste of what you’re striving for to give you the proper motivation to go after it. At least that’s my thoughts on it.

    Thank you for reading what I am writing. It means a lot.

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