Okay, you’ll only get the title if you remember those clap on, clap off commercials!
My emotions are like the clap on, clap off “clapper” at the moment. One minute being flooded with emotion, the next minute, turned completely off.
If you could imagine, it would be like riding the rapids on the Colorado River, and then in the blink of an eye, your raft is floating on calm waters, and you’re sitting on a lake. Where did the rapids go?
I was driving home from work today, and I was flooded with sadness. I was listening to one of my favorite singers, and I was overwhelmed with grief. Sadness just overtook me. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I just let it come. I get home, I drag myself up my stairs to my apartment, and I prepare myself for a rough evening.
And then BOOM… nothing. Suddenly, it’s all been turned off. I’m feeling absolutely nothing right now. Maybe it could be described as numb, but honestly, I don’t even feel numb. I just feel nothing. A total and complete lack of feeling.
Maybe I should be grateful. Maybe this is my system’s way of regulating all the difficult feelings so that I’m not completely overwhelmed by them. Who knows.
For now, I’m happy getting on with my evening, maybe even watching some of my favorite shows. 😀
Of course, now I have that stupid “clap on clap off” jingle in my head! Thanks “The Clapper”…