Grasping At Straws

Sitting, waiting for myappointment with a new T. Had talked on the phone with her last week. I liked her and she seemed nice and she seemed good. Why am I not more excited.

The doubt is starting to seep back in. Thinking I’m making it all up. Thinking I know everything there is to know about my life and everything that’s happened. Sure there are gaps but everyone has gaps in their memory, that’s normal. I am tired of trying so hard and fighting so hard and feeling like nothing comes of it. My entire life I’ve felt like I’ve been grasping at straws and this feels no different. What’s the point of me getting my hopes up? I’m sure this will be just one more letdown of a therapist. I should give her more credit than that, but I can’t. I truly can’t. No one has really been able to help me thus far. Why should this be any different.

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