Bean

I had my fourth therapy session last night. The more I see Bean, the more I respect her. She is patient, she listens, she asks good questions, she doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff, she doesn’t react emotionally when I talk of past traumas (although she does react compassionately), and overall I’m starting to feel safe with her.

She asked me how it was for me when I started going into adolescence and having bodily changes. I told her I had no idea, because I couldn’t remember. She tried digging deeper, but I told her quite simply that I had no memory of any it of it, I can’t even remember when I first got my period.

She seemed a bit surprised by this, and said, “Wow, you sure have blocked out a lot, haven’t you.”

I laughed and replied, “Yes, I have.”

She also helped me figure out that water is a trigger for me. Who knew! Of course, it makes sense, since I’ve had two very traumatic incidents that occurred in water. I told her about those.

Even though there were parts screaming at me for talking about the traumatic stuff after I left session, things were much calmer by the time I got home.

I also had a strange sensation come on as I began driving home from session. My scalp began feeling quite cold, and began to tingle. This cold/tingly sensation shifted and moved around my head and down my neck. At times it was stronger and at times it was weaker. But it continued the entire car rode home, approximately thirty minutes. I emailed Bean about it, and have yet to hear back. I’m still not sure what to think!

So far, Bean is winning in my book. One day at a time, right? One day at a time.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Bean

  1. Haha yeah I’ve gotten that cold scalp thing before! Or just weird sensations in general. It’s fun to try to figure them out. Sounds like this was a peaceful sensation for you?

    I’m so glad things seem to be working out with Bean. Relationships are the hardest part of dealing with all this crap…and you seem to be headed in the right direction. No relationships are easy, and there will assuredly be bumps in the road for this one as well, but you are showing that you are prepared to take them as they come, and confront them. It can only benefit you in the end.
    I’m so happy for you, and LOVE reading your posts. I think that having this healthy, stable, relationship in your life is going to work wonders for your emotional stability. Albeit there’s more leeway since the focus is mainly on you, but still. You’ve had so many wounds for so long, and you are finally getting a chance to roll up your sleeves and get them treated. Go you.

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