To be with myself

To be with myself is worse than death. Why, why must I be alone.

You are not alone.

Yes I am alone, can’t you hear me?

You are not. You have friends. You have your partner. You have the child you care for.

NO. Can’t you see you are wrong? I have NOBODY. NOBODY.

I know it feels that way. But it’s just not true.

IT IS TRUE. YOU LIE. I’ve been alone all my life. Today is no different. This week is no different. This month is no different. This year is no different. I am all alone, now and always. Forever alone. No one can comfort me. They are all just shadows. Shadows of people. They don’t even exist. I am all alone.

Someday I hope you can feel that support, that connection that other people can provide.

No, NEVER. All people do is lie. They pretend to care. They really don’t. It’s all one big lie. I’m tired of being let down by other people. I’m tired of needing other people. I have been alone, always alone.

I just hope that someday this changes. That someday you won’t feel quite so alone. That you can feel more whole unto yourself so that you don’t rely so much on the support of others. Then you can genuinely enjoy friendship.

BULLSHIT. Friendship is for other people, not me. I will wander this earth alone. Totally and completely alone. I won’t let anyone in. I won’t let anyone hurt me anymore. Because that’s all that friendships are – sources of hurt. Sources of disappointment. Sources of betrayal.

It’s sad you think this. Friendships can be beautiful things.

Why do you speak such lies???

Not lies, the truth. But you are too guarded right now to see it.

What is truth? There is no such thing. Everything is subjective experience. There is no such thing as empirical truth! Why can’t you just stop with the lies, they aren’t helping. I just want to be left alone. Can’t you see that? I just want to be left alone.


1 Comment

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One response to “To be with myself

  1. If there is no truth…there are no lies either.

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