This hasn’t happened in a long time, but I think I’m falling into a depression. Not just a several-hour low-mood bad mood, but a real depression. At least that’s what it feels like.
Anxiety has typically been my biggest battle, especially this past year. But tough contender depression seems to be fighting its way up the ranks. And for the last couple of days, it seems to be winning.
I do a good job at masking it, at putting on the smiling face and the cheerful demeanor. It’s what I was raised to do. At yet, deep down in the innermost part of my being, grows this sick, heavy, weighted feeling. I feel like a lead brick inside. It’s a feeling of a storm rolling in. But not the fun, exciting type of storm, where I get to watch from my cosy apartment. It’s the kind of storm where I get sucked under water, and I can’t find my way to the top. The water presses in on me from all sides. I just hope I’m able to hold my breath, and that this one passes quickly.