Storm of depression

This hasn’t happened in a long time, but I think I’m falling into a depression. Not just a several-hour low-mood bad mood, but a real depression. At least that’s what it feels like.

Anxiety has typically been my biggest battle, especially this past year. But tough contender depression seems to be fighting its way up the ranks. And for the last couple of days, it seems to be winning.

I do a good job at masking it, at putting on the smiling face and the cheerful demeanor. It’s what I was raised to do. At yet, deep down in the innermost part of my being, grows this sick, heavy, weighted feeling. I feel like a lead brick inside. It’s a feeling of a storm rolling in. But not the fun, exciting type of storm, where I get to watch from my cosy apartment. It’s the kind of storm where I get sucked under water, and I can’t find my way to the top. The water presses in on me from all sides. I just hope I’m able to hold my breath, and that this one passes quickly.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Storm of depression

  1. My advice? Let it come. I’m glad you are recognizing it. When I fell into a deep depression…I didn’t even really understand what depression was. LOL, I was taught that depression was a demon.

    You can take this or leave it, obviously, but for me, I have found something that works. I allow myself to have my lows. When a low starts to come on, I find a way to let it come. If I’m at work, I try to wait till my break, and go be myself while playing extremely sad music and crying if I can. If it’s my day off, I may let myself be low the whole day, writing, blogging, listening to sad music, crying, sleeping, whatever. You DO have the power to not let this overcome you, especially if you realize it’s happening. Imagine that you are sinking. Once you hit the bottom, you can push off the ground and surge upward. So go ahead. Let yourself hit the bottom. And if you find yourself sinking again, go to the bottom and push off again. Keep doing this. And know that you have people who are listening and seeing your pain.

    • The thought of accepting this oncoming feeling of dread and doom would be like welcoming my own death. I don’t in any way see the benefit of allowing myself to sink to rock bottom. I will fight this depression tooth and nail if I have to… I will not let it take me over. I will not let it defeat me.

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