Pissy and irritable

I’m feeling pissy and irritable for no reason whatsoever. Ugh what is wrong with me.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired of feeling like every day is so hard and so draining. And I’m so tired of feeling like I’m constantly complaining all the time (ahem//what are you doing now?!).

Sometimes I’m just tired of being around myself. I think I want a break from myself honestly. But… We know that will never happen lol. I’m stuck with myself for good it seems.

Maybe I’m just bored with my life. Dissatisfied. Wanting more. Wanting more than just to work and come home and watch tv and sleep. Because that feels like my life. Oh and therapy. Can’t forget therapy. The relationship where I pay for someone to listen to me for an hour, but who ultimately could care less. Yes that.

Can you tell I’m in a pissy mood?

I don’t even want to go to therapy today. What’s the point. It’s not like she gives a shit anyway. A big fat waste of money if you ask me. Maybe I need a break from therapy. Who knows.

How does one acquire motivation when it seems to be completely lacking? How does one extricate oneself from the vortex of bitterness and complacency in which one finds itself? I don’t want to be an unhappy person, I really don’t. And yet sometimes it feels destined, inevitable. Can someone please wake up the happy, motivated me please? Please??

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Pissy and irritable

  1. Bourbon

    I know you know this really but I think she does care. She wouldn’t be a therapist (and a good one at that) if she didn’t. I think it’s hard though for the true care and concern to come across when in a therapeutic relationship. But anyway what I am sure about is that I care. I wish I could click my fingers and you could be all happy and care free but (and this is why I think therapy is something to continue with) you have some things to process perhaps before finding the ‘inner you’ the one that is holding all the hope and all the happiness and all the care free attitude. Maybe. One can hope. I kno what it is like to want a break from yourself. But running away… from yourself- all parts of yourself… never works. Here for you as always x

  2. Yes. I’ve been running from myself. All of myself. However much I want to press a button and make them disappear, it’s not that simple. And in fact wanting them gone actually seems to make things much worse and more chaotic inside. Thank you for being there for me – all of me. Even if I forget myself sometimes or deny myself sometimes, you are ever there to remind me and affirm who I am. Thank you for that.

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