I can’t breathe and I’m all alone. All alone all alone all alone. I can’t breathe. Can’t someone come. Save me from this hell. Save me from myself. I can’t do it. No one knows. No one knows the hell I live in. No one. Nothing is safe. I cannot go home. Nowhere is safe.
I cannot breathe. Can’t someone come and help me breathe? I need to cry. I need to scream. I need to scream til there’s nothing left. Why can’t you let me do that. Am I such a monster that you can’t tolerate my screams?
I am a monster. And I should have died long ago. Monsters don’t deserve to live. I have venom inside me. Poison. I poison all who get too close.
This pain it consumes me. It wraps me up and suffocates me. I think it even enjoys it. It enjoys watching me suffer. And cry. And scream.
Won’t someone come and release me from my misery? How bout a robbery gone wrong. Come to point a gun at me and take my money and the gun goes off instead. Oops.
These are the types of things I fantasize about.
I think Bean is pushing me too hard. She just needs to let me BE. JUST LET ME BE.
Please won’t someone watch after me and take care of me? Please? I’m begging. I’m begging for my life. I can’t carry these things any further. I just can’t. Won’t someone take them from me? Please?
And yet… Here I sit. In my car. In the dark. In the cold.