I am a walking time bomb. It’s only a matter of time until I explode. I can’t hold it together anymore. I can’t contain it anymore. I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t.
BUT I CAN’T LET IT COME OUT. I CAN’T. God what is wrong with me?????
I want to just fucking lose it. Just to fucking lose it. No, I don’t want to. I NEED to. And if I don’t it’s going to all explode on me.
How do I let it come? How do I let it explode? When every cell in my body is trained to hold it together. AT ALL COSTS.
I’m not well. Okay I must think straight. No no no no no. No. What. Everything. EVERYTHING.
GGG SHUT UP.
I must stop. Stop. Stop and hold it together. Hold it together at all costs.
I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god. I need help. No. No I must hold it together. Put on my “together” face for the world. A big game. A big fat game pretending I am fine. That everything is fine. When really NOTHING is fine.
Nothing is fine.