Locked out

Right now I’m locked outside my own mind. I can’t access the inside of myself. This feels really wrong, and it is wrong. What am I thinking? What am I feeling? What is going on?

The only thing I know is that the world doesn’t feel real. Everything is foggy and swirling. It takes effort for me to move. To smile. To talk. It doesn’t even feel like me who is moving and smiling and talking. It’s like I’m the marionette. I’m the one pulling the strings. But the thing that is smiling and moving and talking is not me. Then who is it?

When will I be allowed back inside my mind? I want to go back in, so that I can curl up and be safe. There is safety inside my mind. There is none out here. No safety at all.

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