This is not a real term, or at least it’s not some official term, since I just made it up. However, there are certain realizations I have come to in the last twelve hours that have gotten me thinking about this whole idea of how those who have been traumatized react to things. Specifically, how people who have a history of trauma and who have not yet fully healed from it (it is possible to fully heal from the effects of trauma?) can be sensitive to events and situations that trigger feelings of past trauma. Then the reaction isn’t appropriate to the situation at hand, but rather is an extreme overreaction based in trauma and not based in “reality”. Or rather, the emotional, reactive state becomes your reality. I’m naming this state of extreme feelings triggered by an event in the present, but governed by feelings related to the past, a trauma reactivity state.
I also realize that in my reaction to my therapist, Bean, and the situation that occurred last week with her husband, I was operating from this state and not with a clear head. Or rather, not with a head clear from the effects of trauma.
And yet… How does one separate the two. It’s extremely difficult, near impossible.
I have written Bean a letter of apology for my extreme reaction, and I told her I do want to continue therapy together, just at her other office location where it will feel safer and more containing.
So, that’s what we’re going to do.
More to come.