Just when I thought I was doing great, just when things started looking up, just when I began feeling the stability growing up like grass under my feet, the fog started to roll in. This of course doesn’t mean a looming crisis; I understand that. It most likely will be temporary and pass on through.
However… I just wish I knew why. Why did this fog come and take over my brain, my thoughts, my body. What is this fog – is it related to past trauma? Is it trying to shield me from other things, like big overwhelming feelings? It muddles my mind so that I can’t think clearly. Everything around me seems muted, dull, soft edges instead of sharp ones. It sounds like a nice place, but let me assure you, it is not. The fog is not nice. It comes and it smothers; it suffocates; it traps me in its cold, elusive tendrils. I become its captive. My mind shuts down in this fog. It cannot think what it wants to think. It cannot feel what it wants to feel. It’s almost like a deadening, except with the accompanying feeling that something is really not quite right.
Fog, stay if you must, but please don’t stay long. I want my mind back. I want my body back. I want to breathe freely again without my chest in your clutches.
Where did I go? Am I lost in the fog?
Fog, please go so that I may return to myself.