Chasing Shadows

I just read my last blog post, and I honestly have no idea what I’m talking about. It’s like I was given some crazy pill and told to talk about having parts. Of course I have parts.

I’m tempted to make my last post private, but I’m going to resist the urge. I highly doubt anyone could get any bit of benefit out of it (it, after all, feels like one long rambling nonsensical mess), but in the small, minuscule chance that it could be helpful to someone, I will leave it.

I’m starting to question the benefit of this blog, to be honest. It seems like any interest that was there before seems to have petered out. Which is fine… It’s just a little discouraging. I guess I can write it for myself. The question then becomes, can I be okay with that? I’d rather just have it be private in that case.

I feel like a dog chasing its own tail, or a child trying to catch her own shadow. Running, running, running, and never actually getting anything substantial.

Maybe the problem is that I write on here when I don’t have any idea what is going on in my head. When I don’t have a clear vision of what I’m going to say. That I just let my mind go. Or maybe it’s just that my life is one big crock of shit and really why the hell would anyone want to read about it. I think the latter is probably the most accurate. That my life is one big crock of shit. Just a huge waste. A waste of oxygen. A waste of a body. A waste of a mind. A waste of space. Maybe I should stop this pity party until I actually have something meaningful to share, something worthwhile to talk about. Because who wants to hear this stupid back and forth bullshit. If I’m getting sick of it, I’m sure as hell anyone who has the patience enough to read this pathetic blog will be ten times more fed up than I am.

I have let my readers down. I have not only fucked up this blog completely, I have fucked up my life. And I have only myself to blame.

So readers, if there are any of you actually left, the next time I post anything, you can rest assured that it will be when I really and truly have something worthwhile to say, so that I won’t waste anyone else’s time reading this garbage.

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