I’ve been dealing with severe heartburn over the last month or two. This seemed to begin around the same time I began drinking coffee (again). A cup (okay, more like two) a day. With a profound amount of sugar and cream. I’ve also been continuing to drink wine on a fairly regular basis (at least once a week).
These are the three most common (dietary) causes of heartburn:
~Caffeine (ie coffee)
“Why have you not stopped drinking coffee and wine yet?” you ask.
“Because I don’t know how to take care of myself properly,” I answer.
Many of you might think, yeah, well that’s a total copout. It’s just a matter of wanting it badly enough and self-discipline.
Yes, I suppose that this is partially true. If I wanted it badly enough, I would make these changes. I would give up the coffee and the wine. So why haven’t I?
I think the question then becomes, why don’t I want it badly enough?
That comes back to what I feel that I deserve. Deep down, pain feels natural. In a weird way, pain brings me comfort, because I feel it is my natural state. I have been accustomed to being in so much emotional pain my entire life that physical pain just seems par for the course.
I’m not saying I want to maintain these believes. On the contrary. I want to feel worthy enough to step up and take care of myself properly in all ways possible: mentally, physically, psychologically. I am a work in progress. I strive to have a healthy view of self, but I am not there yet. I am okay with this, and I accept myself where I am at. The biggest step is acceptance, wouldn’t you say?
It becomes more complicated when you add into the equation the fact that I get personal satisfaction out of the wine and coffee and in fact see them as ways of “treating myself.” So these same forms of “self care” are actually causing me great physical pain. Maybe the key is to find things to replace them with, things that don’t cause physical aggravation and distress?
What do you all think?
(Sipping from wine glass.)
(I’m asking for it.)