I feel like there’s so much to say, so much to let out, so much to express and yet the words just aren’t there. All these thoughts and feelings swirling around my head and somehow I’m sitting, amongst all the swirling, and am numb to it all.

I wanted so much to write a letter to my therapist. To express all the things I didn’t feel I was able to express in our session together. I got as far as “Dear Bean” and then got stuck. The words just weren’t there.

I want so much to write a blog post about my therapy session last night. About the realizations I’ve come to. About how shattered I feel. I did start one last night. But today I just can’t find the words.

I feel like I need to be held. Not physically. But held just the same.

I wasn’t soothed as a child. This fact saddens me.

Those are the only words that can come at the moment. Any more would just be too painful.


1 Comment

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One response to “Shattered

  1. Bourbon

    “I wasn’t soothed as a child” – a very raw painful statement full of enough truth and pain to last a lifetime. Is it any wonder you feel you are being swept up in emotions and thoughts and all this overwhelm unable to soothe yourself? Because the emotions and thoughts and overwhelm is so huge and you were never ever taught how to deal with it so they are just left feeling like this massive unbreakable boulder coming down on you threatening to take your life. I’m here, holding you, emotionally. Bourbonx

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