I feel like there’s so much to say, so much to let out, so much to express and yet the words just aren’t there. All these thoughts and feelings swirling around my head and somehow I’m sitting, amongst all the swirling, and am numb to it all.
I wanted so much to write a letter to my therapist. To express all the things I didn’t feel I was able to express in our session together. I got as far as “Dear Bean” and then got stuck. The words just weren’t there.
I want so much to write a blog post about my therapy session last night. About the realizations I’ve come to. About how shattered I feel. I did start one last night. But today I just can’t find the words.
I feel like I need to be held. Not physically. But held just the same.
I wasn’t soothed as a child. This fact saddens me.
Those are the only words that can come at the moment. Any more would just be too painful.