I dropped my partner off at the airport this morning. I was literally swerving into other lanes before I realized what was happening and her shouting at me to watch out. I nearly missed the exit too, and would have had she not shouted at me that it had already arrived. When I was not nearly hitting cars or almost missing exits, I was trying to catch my breath. I just couldn’t get enough oxygen in. Needless to say, my partner wasn’t a picture of calmness by the time we arrived at the airport. But she did understand. I got one hour of sleep last night. I eventually fell asleep around 1am, having had tossed and turned for a couple hours. It seemed like the minute my head hit the pillow, I was awoken very suddenly, gasping for air. Another panic attack. It woke my partner and she tried comforting me, but I just needed space. I went out to the living room where I spent the remainder of the night/morning watching YouTube videos to try to distract me and take my mind off my body and its incredibly high level of anxiety.
When we got to the airport, my partner suggested that perhaps when I get home, before work, that I go run some stairs to try to work off some of the anxiety. She said that I need to just get it out of my body. And she was right.
I did exactly as she suggested: I went to a local public staircase (which has precisely one gazillion stairs by the way), and ran those suckers as though my life depended on it. And it felt so good. Why had I not thought of this sooner?! I would have kept going forever on those stairs if I hadn’t had to return home to get ready for work.
So, something to remember Brandic, when you are feeling anxious or panicky: exercise hard. Stairs, sprinting, etc. Let the anxiety exit your body through your pores along with your sweat. I honestly cannot remember the last time I pushed myself like that, and it felt so good.
The anxiety isn’t gone, but it’s definitely less. I may have to go up against those stairs several more times til I have all this angst and tension and stress released from my body. And perhaps exercise alone isn’t going to do it. But I’m grateful for even the slightest bit of relief. I’m hoping that I’ll actually be able to sleep through the night tonight. 🙂