My worst self

Right now I know I am my absolute worst self. I’m angry for absolutely no reason. I seriously feel like murdering someone. (I’m not kidding.) I don’t want to talk to anyone or be around anyone. I am having violent thoughts that I cannot even talk about. I want to do things to myself I cannot even talk about. I want other people to do things to me I can’t even talk about. This is not me. And yet… it is me. Who am I kidding. All the other stuff is just an act. This awful, violent, angry, rageful person is all that I truly am. I have turned into my worst self. I am trapped in a nightmare I can’t escape cause I cannot escape myself. I wish I could. I would violently cut myself from myself and be free once and for all. Sometimes I wish someone would come kill me once and for all. Please come and brutally murder me. Free me from this world that deserves better than the likes of me, deserves better than the filth of me.

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1 Comment

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One response to “My worst self

  1. I feel your struggle. I experience this kind of rage and anger too, and it usually makes me feel as horrible as it sounds like you’re feeling about yourself. But from an outside perspective now, I can think with a little more clarity, and say that feeling emotion certainly doesn’t make you a bad person of any sort. It sounds as though there is unresolved and unhealed pain behind your emotion which intensifies it.. maybe also a build up of repressed emotion. I usually hate when people make suggestions, but sometimes there something that works for you to release some of that energy? sometimes (when I can actually make myself…) I go for an intense walk or rip paper up or throw things around to make a huge mess.

    Don’t berate yourself for feeling. You are human.
    I hope this wave subsides soon. Take care xox

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