As some of you may have read in my recent post about therapy, in our last session together, my therapist suggested trying hypnosis next session to try and access memories pertaining to a certain time period. Specifically, when I was around age 12 and 13. During that time, I was in an abusive relationship with an older guy. From fragments of memories I have, I know he was extremely abusive, both emotionally and sexually. However, I have very little memory of any of it. It’s all very fuzzy, and I only have two or three distant memories of interactions with him, even though this relationship went on for about two years.
Both my therapist and I feel this relationship played a significant role in my life, in the sense that it was very traumatic for me, and perhaps could be the source of much of the fear I carry.
Although at first I was very fearful of the idea of doing hypnosis to access these memories, I feel ready to go ahead and try it. And in fact, it feels like the next potential step in my healing. I think I needed to allow the fear to be there, to sit and express itself, to let its feelings be heard. After it did that, it released its hold on me. As a result, the fear is no longer dictating my decision about whether doing the hypnosis is the right decision or not.
I will definitely provide an update after the session describing how it went, whether or not it worked, and what it accomplished, if anything. Who knows, perhaps the memories aren’t there. Or perhaps I can’t access them. Or perhaps I can’t be hypnotized. But I’ll never know unless I try, right?