Last night I dreamt that my partner left me. In my dream, I was absolutely devastated. When I woke, those feelings stayed with me, and I had a hard time separating the events that occurred in the dreams to waking reality. Specifically, I couldn’t “see it for the dream it was,” and let go of the emotions attached to it. Perhaps this is part of being dissociative? Maybe?
Whatever it is, this dream has thrown me into a heavy depression. Rationally I know my partner hasn’t left, but my body and psyche don’t seem to know that. I feel heavy. I’m exhausted. I lack motivation to do anything. In one word, depressed. And I know it has everything to do with this dream. How frustrating is that. That I can’t just wake up and smell the coffee and tell myself, look brandic, it was just a dream! Isn’t that a relief?
I am going to lie in bed as long as is humanly possible before my acupuncture appointment. To be honest, a part of me wishes that I could just die.
What if my partner were to leave me one day? After I told her about the dream, she got teary eyed and said that’s never going to happen, and that I’m the most important thing in her life. And that it was “just a dream.” Just a dream huh? How come it doesn’t feel like just a dream. Everyone leaves. Isn’t that true? Everyone gives up on you in the end. This dream just helped to remind me of that.