My therapy session with Bean yesterday had me talking away like a chatterbox. Talking about everything from A to Z. My drinking from age 12-16. My giving up alcohol at age 17. My various living arrangements throughout college. My social phobia beginning at age nineteen. My extreme fear of being attacked and murdered beginning at age twenty when I lived on my own for the first time. My very difficult and traumatic trip to India. My friend being attacked and almost killed.
I saw this friend the other night. The one I mentioned in an earlier blog who was grabbed by a man and nearly strangled to death (if you want to read about it, click here). She told me the whole story of what had happened. I don’t feel comfortable recounting all the details on here, out of respect for her privacy, but let me just say it was horrific. I’m grateful that she is okay. I’m grateful that she’s alive. I’m grateful that I was able to hug and comfort her and tell her how amazing she is.
That was really the only thing I went into detail about in my session. Everything else I just seemed to skim over, like a rock skipping on a pond. Bouncing across the top without being swallowed up by the water. Although eventually the stone does get swallowed up by the water no matter how long it skips for. Sinking, for the stone, is inevitable.
I talked about my mom. About her reaction to my friend committing suicide. Let’s just say it lacked the empathy I was hoping for. (Surprised?) I talked about the church I grew up in, and the car accident my family was in when my mom was pregnant with me. That needs an entire blog post unto itself. For another day perhaps. It may seem strange, but the church and my mom’s spirituality seem to be inexorably linked to the car accident. Well, it’s quite simple actually. She believes that this “path” that she had just discovered before the car accident actually saved her life in the accident. That she was “meant to” live in order to pursue this spiritual path. And then that spiritual path and her “spirituality” became her life from that point on, and exists even to this day. It’s more important than everything. Including her family.
I actually think this session of “skimming” was a really positive thing. So many of my sessions are spent trying to keep me grounded, or bringing me back into the room after being triggered, and really not much gets accomplished. Yesterday we covered a lot of ground, and I feel really happy about that.