Clinging to “okay”

I’m trying so hard to be okay right now. Probably the biggest reason I haven’t completely lost it yet is because I have the enormous responsibility of taking care of a young child. He needs me to be okay. So I have to be okay.

But it’s so hard.

Every single afternoon I’m being flooded with these body sensations. It takes all of my will power to focus on Little Guy and ensure that he’s getting the love and care and support that he needs. I feel like I’m having to be Super Woman.

I know I’ve been complaining about this a lot lately, and a part of me thinks I need to shut up because everyone’s tired of hearing about it, but I need to keep writing about it. I need to keep writing to stay sane.

These (nightmarish) bodily occurrences are squeezing out of me every last ounce of energy that I have. After the afternoon onslaught is over, I have no energy left in my reserve.

So right now I’m clinging to “okay”, and hoping against all hope that my therapist will be able to help me work through this stuff – and soon.



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5 responses to “Clinging to “okay”

  1. Keep writing..I’m reading. šŸ˜‰
    Children, are a gift but a taxing gift. It’s good to have someone else to focus on and know that they depend on your care. Sometimes getting out of our own head is a blessing so love your little guy and love you too.

  2. So brutal, & recognizable. Completely relate, have 3 little ones & sometimes I feel like swinging a chainsaw at my throat, I get so afraid of myself, so horrified in my own skin. But somehow we manage, right? A couple of times have had to put them their rooms as if for naps, but with toys & sippy cups & barely-composed hugs just to get hold of myself – no harm in that once in a great while, it works for me…Hang in there…sending hugs, peace & lithium-laced positivity.

  3. know that you are not alone.
    taking steps forward is hard.
    but we do it together.

  4. Been there… ok is ok, and when you have to take care of kids, thats just how it is… I think there is this instinct thing that makes us prioritize the right way. I had three girls in just as many years, and think I was gaga for about all the time… but they have done great. So hang in there šŸ™‚ Hugs

  5. Here’s a cyberhug. It may not be much right now, but I’m here if I can help in anyway.<3<3<3

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