The arrival of my dear friend…

… depression. As was expressed in my last post, this afternoon has been wrought with a numbness and shutting down of feeling upon going to the memorial service of a friend who committed suicide recently. And within the last hour, depression seems to have slipped in and taken a strong hold. I feel pinned under its weight.

No energy. My body feels like a lead weight and it takes tremendous effort even to move the slightest muscle.

No motivation. There are things I should be doing to get ready for the week but just can’t manage to get myself to do any of them. Arg.

No enjoyment. I can’t seem to enjoy anything right now. Not even my amazing and loving dog who is almost always a sure bet to cheer me up.

Lack of appetite. My partner is in the kitchen making me this delicious meal, but all I want to do is go to bed and sleep for eternity.

Okay enough moping. Let’s see if I can come up with at least one positive thought to end with.

I know: yesterday I went on a ten mile hike. Yes. Ten whole miles. And for those who know me and who’ve been following my blog for a while, this is a HUGE feat for me, since I’ve been quite limited by chronic back and hip pain the last several years that have prevented me from getting out and doing the things that I love to do – specifically hiking and bike riding. Being able to do a hike of this magnitude shows me that I’m over the hump in my healing process, and it opens up a wonderful and familiar world that I’ve been prevented from enjoying for years now. I cannot tell you how happy and relieved this makes me. My body is improving. My back and hip are getting better. I won’t have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. It won’t keep me from doing the things I love.

I think I’ll end it there, on a positive note. πŸ™‚

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “The arrival of my dear friend…

  1. Terrific!!! πŸ˜€ Ten whole miles though, just :-O. Some of us would have dropped by the quarter mile stage (points to self)

  2. Wow, ten miles! I don’t think I could do that!

  3. Lovely! Great to see that even if you feel depressed you can do things like this! πŸ™‚

  4. I hope you can be kind to yourself like you were with the hike. Memorial services are so hard, you have a right to feel depressed and/or numb. Letting those feelings come, and trying to remember that there are still positives, is very admirable. Safe hugs.

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