Pulled back under

Just when I thought the body memories were getting better, they have returned with a vengeance.

I want to scream.

I don’t know why this is happening. I don’t know what this is connected to. I thought it was related to the prenatal trauma, but the time doesn’t seem to match.

I can’t describe how I’m feeling. Every cell in my body is screaming. I have the unexplained urge for someone to beat me to a bloody pulp. To crush my body. That somehow that would calm this bodily angst.

Sorry for the graphic nature of this post. I’m just having all these crazy body sensations and don’t know what to do with them.

I wish I could lie down and have someone run over me with a semi-truck. Perhaps that would calm these awful sensations.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Pulled back under

  1. I’m sorry you’re in so much pain, and I doubt words cut it right now. Wish there was some way to help you <3<3<3

  2. I am sorry you are in so much pain. Have you ever been tested for fibromyalgia? Just a thought.

    • Well… it’s not exactly physical pain. It’s more of a bodily discomfort – a pressure pushing up from inside. It is painful too, but more in an emotional way. The bodily sensations are distressing and cause me anxiety. There seems to be much emotion caught up in them, that’s why I think they are related to some sort of memory of trauma of some sort. Another thing about them is that they seem to come on around the same time every day, and leave at about the same time every day. And this time seems to correspond with a trauma that I (well actually my mother, but me indirectly) experienced prenatally during my third trimester. Sorry that was a long explanation to a simple question!

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