Things build on top of other things. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact root cause of my despair. Maybe it’s the body memories that have been eating away at me. Maybe it’s because I was unable to get an appointment at the free mental health clinic, and my meds are running low. Not having health insurance sucks. (Can someone say “understatement”?) Perhaps it’s because my partner is working long hours this week and that leaves me home alone, contemplating. Maybe it’s because I’m just feeling, quite simply, overcome with loneliness.
Whatever it is, I don’t like the thoughts that are trying to make their way into my mind. Thoughts of lost hope. Thoughts that it won’t get better. Thoughts of giving up.
When we are this down, how do we bring ourselves out of it? I just wish I knew. The world just seems so dark right now.