Questioning: freewrite/rant

Okay, I’m just going to let myself go for a minute. There is so much pent up inside me right now, I’m not even sure what it is, but I just know that it needs to come out.

I’m angry. I don’t even know why. But I feel like I need to scream and throw and break things. I have a voice screaming in my head. But no. I don’t hear voices. Right, that’s another thing. I am questioning the DID. Big time. Why does my therapist think I have DID again? No no no. All wrong.

Perhaps I’m angry because I’m questioning the DID. I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.

What the hell do I have to be angry about anyways. I don’t understand.

The more I write, the louder the voices are getting. Telling me to shut up.

Is it not okay to express myself? To express my anger? Apparently not…

I swear I feel like I’m a balloon about to pop. I need to stop all of this. Now. But how.

I apologize for this crazy post. I don’t know who I am at the moment. No. This is all wrong. Please make it stop.

 

I’m questioning all of it. All of it. So what if I’ve been traumatized. So what. End of story, move on. Really. Who needs all the hashing out. The feeling sorry for. The woe is me.

Nobody is doing the woe is me. I’m trying to discover my reality.

Your reality? Good luck.

No, this is all wrong. All wrong.

 

I’m sorry, this was a huge waste of time. Mine and yours. I’m going to publish this, simply because I don’t like to censor myself (when possible) and I like to try to give voice to all sides of me. ggg. Please make it stop.

At that, I think I’m going to call it a night. Apologies all around. Crazy Brandic has been out flying tonight.

Goodnight. Sigh.

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “Questioning: freewrite/rant

  1. I don’t think you need a barage of words….Would a cyberhug be welcome? <3<3<3

  2. There is nothing wrong with a rant. I had a poor me rant recently on my blog, worse than this. It is a good place to get it out and a lot of us have them. We all understand we have bad days. It seems to be part of what we are going through. Hope your feeling better. Kat

  3. Cath

    Hey there, I notice u haven’t written anything since this entry. I hope ur ok. I know from reading ur last entry that when my mind is at that stage of chaos I’m definitely not in an ok place. I hope today showed u a little light and not more darkness.

    • Hi Cath. Thank you for checking in and for your kind thoughts. I’m doing as okay as I can, I suppose. This has definitely been a hard last several days, and the quitting smoking hasn’t helped. But I’m hanging in there. Thanks again for checking in :). I’ll be posting a post soon about how things have been going.

  4. Oh sweetie, Its good to get it all out even if you dont think it makes sense! Love and hugs xxx

  5. Writing is there just so we can spill all the random thoughts in our heads. They don’t have to make sense at all, just give us some relief that a little less pressure is in there, and that someone we trust can see it if we need them to. I hope you feel calmer soon <3<3<3

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