My own captivity

Despair courses through me
Like blood
Pushing, pumping, pulsing
Feelings
Of not being good enough
Not being smart enough
Not being okay enough
Not being well enough
Wishing I could lie down and sleep
Through all eternity
With no one
To understand me
It’s a lonely existence
It’s fake it til you make it
But what if all you are doing
Is faking it
Hiding
Behind a mask of smiles
A bitter laughter
Is what I’ve become
How I long
For once to have a break
From this despair
That’s holding me there
In my own captivity

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