Tag Archives: appreciation

So much to be grateful for

Today is the last day of my time off from work. I have no obligations today. The day is for me to do as I chose, and the feeling is wonderful. Besides unpacking and doing some laundry and light cleaning, I am going to relax and watch the Olympics and perhaps journal. Then tonight I’m taking my partner out for a nice dinner to celebrate our five year anniversary.

I’m overcome with feelings of gratitude today. Gratitude for my life; to live in a wonderful city with my partner and my animals; gratitude for my friends; for my amazing therapist; gratitude for this wonderful blogging community and for all of you who read and support me on here. What would I do without this place? What would I do without all of you? You all have enriched my life in more ways than I could ever express.

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And then tomorrow I get to see Little Guy again, whom I miss dearly. Almost two weeks away from him – I bet he’s grown a lot!

In this moment, everything feels strangely okay. I think I could get used to this. 🙂

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blogging and gratitude

So it’s 7am on a Sunday morning and I’m awake and blogging. Something must be horribly wrong! Someone call the authorities!

 

Just kidding. I’m in a pretty peppy mood for 7am on a Sunday morning, aren’t I?

 

The reason I’m awake this early is that I’m driving out to the valley today to go hiking. I want to get an early start, because it’s supposed to be hot hot hot today. But I woke up about two hours before my alarm (can you believe it?!!) and thought I would spend the much needed time blogging.

 

I was one of those people who never really “got” blogging. That is, until I started doing it. A friend had a blog, and I thought, what the hell. I’ll give it a shot. And I’m so glad I have.

I know I’ve written ad nauseum about how thankful I am for this community, but I’m just going to go ahead and add another post to the “I am so grateful for this community” heap.

I have always felt a lack of connection, a sense of disconnect, from the world and the people around me. However much I tried, I never felt that I fit in. [And trust me, I tried hard. I even went so far as to join a sorority in college. Not my proudest moment. Don’t judge.]

I apologize in advance for sounding like a Hallmark card, but this blog has provided me with a sense of connection that I’ve never found in the outside world. There are a few select people who I feel understand me, including my partner, but as far as communities go, I’ve just never fit in. But here, we are all connected. People read, people share, people support. I’ve tried explaining to people – like my partner – who don’t blog just how much I get out of blogging. I don’t think she really gets it though. And that’s okay.

So…

I want to extend a very special thank you to each and every one of you who have wandered over to my part of the blogosphere. And for those who have stuck, and who come back – whether it be daily, or whether it be from time to time – just know that I appreciate you more than you can know.

 

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Words of appreciation

I have been going through a bit of a rough spell, but I just wanted to thank all of you in this blogger community for being there, for offering support, and for being you. Today was spent reading and responding to many of the amazing blogs on here that I follow; your words give me inspiration. Thanks for reading, and thanks for writing the blogs you do.

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The Flip-Flop Mix-Up and other humorous tales

I thought I would write a lighter post. 😀

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The other day, it was super hot outside and I didn’t feel like putting my sneakers on to walk my dog due to the heat. I have a pair of very old, very dilapidated flip-flops* that I have worn over the years, especially when it’s hot out, but as I’m trying to be more conscious of not doing things that could exacerbate my back pain, I figured these old flip-flops that probably should have been retired years ago were probably not the most conducive in supporting my back.

A nice, well-made pair of my partner’s flip-flops have been sitting in the entryway of our apartment for months, unused and untouched. Seeing that she basically never used them, and seeing the rugged condition of my own flip-flops, and then taking into consideration the blasting heat outside, there seemed one clear and obvious solution.

Me: Hey babe? [Shouting across the apartment.] Can I borrow your flip-flops?

Partner: [From the other room] Yeah, sure.

As I’m slipping them on, she comes into the entryway.

Partner: [Brandic], those aren’t my flip-flops, those are your flip flops!

Me: They’re not mine!

Partner: Well, they’re definitely not mine.

Me: Well then whose are they?

Partner: [Brandic] I’m pretty sure they’re yours. I remember when you bought them, like a year ago.

Me: No I didn’t… [spoken incredulously]

Partner: Yeah, I’m actually pretty sure you did. You bought them for some trip I think. And I remember you wearing them a lot when you first got them.

I began laughing. For all these months, I had thought those flip-flops belonged to my partner, and she was thinking (or rather knowing) all along that they belonged to me!

I could not for the life of me remember buying them, or even wearing them. My partner said that I had bought them for a trip, but she couldn’t remember which one.

Ever since that day – the day that the case of the mystery flip-flops was solved – I have yet to remember anything about these sandals – from buying them to wearing them to owning them. And the thing that makes this whole thing even stranger is that I hardly ever buy clothes for myself (including shoes/sandals), and when I do, it’s because I really need them, and I end up wearing them for years until they are falling apart (eg my last pair of flip-flops).

So that’s the humorous – yet puzzling – story of the flip-flop mix-up!

* For those of you who are from other countries (since many of my readers are), and may not be familiar with the term “flip-flops”, that’s what we call the universal sandals that are shown in the photo at the top of the post.

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Something else funny that happened this past weekend:

As some of you who follow my blog may know from reading my last post, I did a ten mile hike on Saturday (of which I’m very proud!). The reason for the hike was to help me hone my leader skills, since I’m wanting to become a Sierra Club leader with my local hiking group. So I planned the hike, recruited my partner and one of her friends, and we set off.

Overall it was a success, despite the extreme heat – and therefore fatigue that comes with it.

I brought along a hikers guide book to share some tidbits about the area. As I was reading, this happened to slip out of my mouth:

Me: We are entering the such-and-such Nature Preserve. This is a popular nesting ground for golden egos!

I caught my mistake just as my audience did, and we all began laughing.

Me: I mean golden eagles! [laughter percolated through my speech]

Partner’s friend B: I want to hatch a golden ego!

It was a funny slip, and it also helped me to realize that it’s okay to laugh at oneself every now and then. After all, mistakes can be quite funny. 🙂

Hope you all are having a great Monday!

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Thank you blogger community

Today I’m feeling a deep level of appreciation and gratitude to all of you in the blogging community. I am beginning to see this place as a place of “community,” not just somewhere that I come and write, and go away again. I started this blog in December, and for the many months since I’ve been writing, have used this place primarily as a place of writing. In the last few weeks, I have really begun reaching out and exploring this world that is blogging, reading other’s posts and commenting on them, and I am struck with a feeling of awe and reverence.

There are so many amazingly strong, insightful, reflective, and courageous people out there who have the courage to write about what is closest to their hearts. Or simply write about what they enjoy. Regardless of what it is that you all write about, it is important, because you are sharing a part of yourself in whatever small or big way.

I have very much enjoyed reading your blogs and getting to know you through your blogs. I appreciate what you all have to say, and I find that I am often uplifted and inspired by it. You all are teaching me new things every day. Through your writings, you (all) are making me think about things that I may not necessarily think about. You are providing me with new perspectives on things, and broadening my (seemingly) small and finite world.

So this post is for you. To all you bloggers out there – Thanks.

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Slow Down, Merry-Go-Round

I’ve had a very difficult and stressful last few weeks, but I am beginning to feel things slowing down. It was almost like my life was a merry-go-round that was spinning way too fast and out of control. Every part of me was stressed out, numbed out, or triggered in some way or another. I actually think this out-of-control-merry-go-round feeling has been going on for some time now. And it feels good to finally feel like things are moving at a slower pace, that things don’t feel so big and so heavy and so overwhelming. I feel more centered and more grounded. I feel like I can finally breathe.

These last few months has kicked up a lot of emotional dust, especially with difficult stuff that happened with a friend, as well as dealing with the aftermath of my partners friend’s suicide. But the dust is now beginning to settle, like snow in a snow globe when you shake it and then set it down, and I’m beginning to see things more clearly.

Of course, the denial of the DID has kicked in big time. Even despite the events of last week (finding out about the real “RAGE”). I’m beginning to think it was all just made-up/imaginary. I also haven’t felt R/Asher’s presence at all, and that is freaking me out a bit. The other night I asked where she was, and this thought came, “I am still here.” But it wasn’t her voice. It sounded like my own voice. Perhaps it’s how she sounds when she’s calm, I don’t know. I told her how much I love and appreciate her. How much I value her in my life. Her response to that was, “okay.” Sometimes I do think, am I just making all this up? Sigh. I have to stop with the non-stop analysis. It’s hard though. How do you stop critiquing it all.

I appreciate all the followers of this blog who have stuck it out with me these last few weeks. I’m sure my posts have been disjointed and all over the place. Thank you for hanging in there and continuing to read. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it!!

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Little Guy

As I go through this process of healing from a recent loss, I am trying to focus on the things that I enjoy, the things that make me happy, and the things that are going well in my life. Including the friendships and relationships that are going well. One relationship I want to talk about in this post is the little guy I take care of for my job. On here I’m just going to refer to him as “Little Guy.”

Little Guy is amazing. He’s incredibly smart and inquisitive. He is constantly learning new things and soaking up all the world has to offer.

My relationship with him went through a difficult phase. He was very fussy for a number or months, and would alternate between being happy one second to unbearably unhappy and screeching the next, for seemingly no apparent reason. It distressed me quite a bit, and was actually quite triggering and anxiety provoking.

However, he has come out of that phase (thankfully), and I feel like the connection between him and I has gotten even deeper as a result. We enjoy each others company a lot. He makes me laugh, and I him. We like to make faces at each other. He is simply a joy to be around.

Some of his favorite things: bubbles, going for walks, swinging on the swings, dogs, balloons, trees, musical instruments, his cats, climbing, and books. Oh and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches :).

I am very lucky, and very grateful, to have the job that I do. That I get to spend all day, every day, with Little Guy… I honestly can’t imagine anything I’d prefer. He’s grown so attached to me that now he even starts to cry when I have to leave at the end of the day. He doesn’t want me to leave…

I do realize however that one person (or child in this case) cannot fill the hole that is created by the loss of another. However much I enjoy and appreciate Little Guy, I also cannot try to use him to fill the void that was left by this friendship. For that, I simply must allow myself to sit with the sadness. But even while sitting with the sadness, I can still focus on the people who are in my life right now, right in front of me. They provide me strength, resilience, and ultimately healing.

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