Tag Archives: back pain

I am ok

If my back is hurting I am ok
If my therapist hasn’t called I am ok
If I’m sleep deprived I am ok
If my friends aren’t there I am ok
If I’m feeling depressed I am ok
If stuff is pushing up inside I am ok
If I’m feeling alone I am ok

Just because I’m experiencing all this
Doesn’t mean I’m in crisis
Doesn’t mean I’m completely alone
Doesn’t mean no one cares
Doesn’t mean I am hopeless
Doesn’t mean I am helpless
Doesn’t mean it won’t change
Doesn’t mean it won’t get better

Despite it all and in spite of it all, I am ok.


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Back pain back – with a vengeance

Just when I think I’m on the mend and my back is beginning to feel better, I hit a gutter. The last few days my back has begun to hurt the worst it has in months. This is very discouraging, because I feel I’ve been doing everything right. I’ve been active (sitting for long periods makes it worse), I’ve been stretching.. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to have acupuncture in… a month? I just don’t know.

There’s really nothing else to write. I’m in pain, I’m frustrated, and I don’t understand it. Is this just a small dip? Or does this mean that all my progress over the last few months has been shot to hell and I’m back to this sort of pain level again. It’s discouraging because I thought my days of being in this much pain were done. Apparently my idea of healing and my back’s idea of healing aren’t on par with one another. The most frustrating thing is not knowing. Not knowing when I will feel back to my healthy self, free of this back pain. IF I will ever be free from this back pain. has been three years after all. Will it ever truly be gone? I sure as hell refuse to give up on the idea that I can heal this thing completely. Come hell or high water, I will heal my back. Whatever it takes. I will not let this thing beat me.

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Pedaling through the mountains

My partner is leading a bike ride in the mountains today. I’m very excited about for several reasons – I love riding my bike and have not done so in a long time. I also love being up in the mountains. I also have some worries though. I worry that my back isn’t going to be okay. I really haven’t done any sort of bike ride like this since my back was injured several years ago. I really hope I don’t make my back pain worse. I’m also nervous that there will be people there who I don’t know. The good thing is, with something like this, there isn’t much pressure to talk or socialize. If I feel like it, I can ride ahead, or pull back a bit if I feel like riding alone and no one will think it’s odd.

This will be a good test to see how my back holds up. And if my back does well, then I will be able to start doing more things like this. I do feel really out of shape, and have for the last several years. It’s amazing what a little back pain can keep you from doing. Or in my case, a lot of back pain… I have done easy walks and easy hikes, but not really any bike rides, nor anything really strenuous. I miss pushing my body. I miss going for long, hard hikes. I miss going for 30-40 mile bike rides and feeling sore and exhausted afterwards. So… Fingers crossed this will be a stepping stone to get me back to that point.

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