If my back is hurting I am ok
If my therapist hasn’t called I am ok
If I’m sleep deprived I am ok
If my friends aren’t there I am ok
If I’m feeling depressed I am ok
If stuff is pushing up inside I am ok
If I’m feeling alone I am ok
Just because I’m experiencing all this
Doesn’t mean I’m in crisis
Doesn’t mean I’m completely alone
Doesn’t mean no one cares
Doesn’t mean I am hopeless
Doesn’t mean I am helpless
Doesn’t mean it won’t change
Doesn’t mean it won’t get better
Despite it all and in spite of it all, I am ok.
Just when I think I’m on the mend and my back is beginning to feel better, I hit a gutter. The last few days my back has begun to hurt the worst it has in months. This is very discouraging, because I feel I’ve been doing everything right. I’ve been active (sitting for long periods makes it worse), I’ve been stretching.. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to have acupuncture in… a month? I just don’t know.
There’s really nothing else to write. I’m in pain, I’m frustrated, and I don’t understand it. Is this just a small dip? Or does this mean that all my progress over the last few months has been shot to hell and I’m back to this sort of pain level again. It’s discouraging because I thought my days of being in this much pain were done. Apparently my idea of healing and my back’s idea of healing aren’t on par with one another. The most frustrating thing is not knowing. Not knowing when I will feel back to my healthy self, free of this back pain. IF I will ever be free from this back pain. has been three years after all. Will it ever truly be gone? I sure as hell refuse to give up on the idea that I can heal this thing completely. Come hell or high water, I will heal my back. Whatever it takes. I will not let this thing beat me.