Tag Archives: disconnection

What I’m hanging onto

I’m hanging onto…

  • the hope that this will pass
  • the idea that this is happening for a reason
  • the thought that I can learn something about myself through this
  • the idea that mental/emotional upheaval isn’t permanent
  • the thought that if I persist through this, I will become stronger as a result
  • the idea to not resist it but allow it to be, and that whatever “is” is okay (despite however okay it doesn’t feel)
  • the thought that memories will come when I’m ready
  • the thought that these feelings cannot kill me
  • the memory of me feeling more at peace
  • the memory of me feeling sane
  • the memory of me feeling like things make sense
  • the memory of me feeling connected to and with myself
  • the time when I was happy not smoking, before I started smoking again
  • the time where I didn’t crave cigarettes, and didn’t need that crutch
  • the knowledge that I once found pleasure in things, and that I will experience that again
  • the knowledge that no storms last forever; they all pass eventually. That you just need to ride them out if you can’t escape them.
  • the knowledge that my PTSD symptoms are just that: my PTSD symptoms. They are not who I am
  • the knowledge that my dissociative symptoms are just that: my dissociative symptoms. They are not who I am
  • the hope that one day I can be free from this torment that plagues my mind
  • the hope that one day I will be okay enough to have children of my own
  • the determination to get better
  • the determination to heal
  • the determination to not only survive but to actually thrive, and that yes, this IS an option for me
  • the thought that I don’t have to let my past win
  • the thought that it is okay to feel angry, no matter how “not okay” it feels
  • the idea that I can accept all parts of me, even my angriest parts
  • the idea that am okay (despite my own mind screaming at me that I’m not)
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