Tag Archives: Little Guy

Updates (finally!)

Hey y’all! I say “y’all” because I’m in the South!

For the past two and a half weeks, I’ve been overworked, overwhelmed, and overtired. BUT… Finally, a couple days ago, help arrived in the form of Little Guy’s grandmother! She is amazing and wonderful, and has insisted that I have time off and take time for myself.

So as I write, I am sitting here in a local coffee shop that has yummy iced mochas and free wireless!

On a frustrating note, at brunch this morning with the family I work for, we overheard the family next to us saying some very homophobic things, particularly that their daughter, who is in seventh grade, is being “taught about same-sex marriage” and how disgusting and appalling it is.

Then on top of it, something that should be a happy moment – my favorite singer and idol, Brandi Carlile (thus my username) – announcing on facebook her wedding to her partner Catherine. I was happily reading along all the supportive comments, until I came to this one:

  • Congratulations! BUT, What a waste of two beautiful women for all of us men!!

As much as that bothered me, I tried to ignore it, and read on. Then I came upon the next comment:

  • rug munchers

As I read this, I could feel my heart start to race, and my anger start to rise. Keep in mind, these are comments that people are leaving on HER facebook post about HER beautiful wedding. Then, when I finally came to this comment, I had had enough and I had to stop reading:

  • WTF. XX + XX what a formula for procreation.

Homophobia is alive and well people! For those who think that “things are changing” and that people are becoming more open-minded, I have to say that it’s hard to believe that when you read bigoted, ignorant comments like the ones above. So what was going to be a happy update during my month-long trip away from home turned into a political (and personal) commentary about same-sex marriage.

Deep breaths Brandic…

Okay, well perhaps I should talk about what I’ve been up to. I’ve been mostly taking care of Little Guy morning, noon, and night. Which has been exhausting, and overwhelming at times, but he is so wonderful and amazing which makes it all worth it.

We are in a town that is very near the beach, and also has a river running through the center of it. And… it’s so GREEN here! I’m so used to pavement, pavement, and then more pavement living in a very congested, large city, so the peacefulness and serenity of a small town is so refreshing!

Little Guy 🙂

And… it is a pretty liberal city by Southern standards. More Obama signs on people’s lawns that Romney. And I’ve found the “queerer” part of town where the women have tattoos and short hair and the men have dreadlocks, so I feel right at home. (I don’t have dreadlocks or tattoos, but you know what I mean…)

As far as my mental health goes, I’ve been so busy and sleep deprived that I haven’t had much time to think about much of anything, or for my mind to go to dark places. However, as the time has gone along, I have had more and more anxiety and panic. It got so bad that every time I was with the family, I began to have a panic attack – and then of course I had to try to hide it. I think it was because I wasn’t getting a single break or any time for myself, and I’m also not good at being assertive and asking for things for myself. Thus, my stress was coming out in the form of panic and physical stress. However, the panic seems to have gone down quite a bit since the arrival of the grandmother, who has taken it upon herself to make sure I get breaks and take free time for myself. I am quite grateful for this.

I don’t know the next time I’ll be able to check in with everyone, but for now I’m sending you all a big Southern HELLO! and hope that life is treating you well.

And dearest Elyn, I am worried about you… Please know that I’m thinking about you and hoping you’re okay. Please check in when you get a chance lovely? x



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Pepé Le Pew and baby too


Okay so the child I care for – Little Guy – isn’t exactly a baby anymore, but I still like to think of him as such (after all, I’ve been caring for him since he was only a few months old)! 🙂

I just wanted to share something funny that happens on almost a daily basis.

Little Guy is obsessed with one of their family’s cats. Let’s call her Red. Whenever Little Guy sees Red, he starts to squeal in delight, and begins chasing her. Red, who has no interest in (and in fact has developed quite an aversion to) Little Guy, runs as fast as she can away. Little Guy squeals, thinking it’s a game, and runs even faster. They run around the entire house in this fashion: Little Guy never quite being able to catch up to Red, Little Guy being clueless as to how much Red despises him, and Little Guy thoroughly enjoying “the chase.”

There have been, on a rare occasion, times that Red gets caught off guard, or the even rarer moments when Red actually lets Little Guy touch her. In these jewels of moments, he is in pure heaven. He coos in pure delight and grabs her fur and puts his head down onto her back. She gives him a purely evil look, gives me a look of miserable despair, then breaks away from his hold and the chase starts all over again. Pepé Le Pew style!

God I love my job.

(And god do I love Little Guy.)



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Feeling good

Today I’m feeling really good. Things are looking up. My job is going well – Little Guy is amazing. He makes each day I go to work a joy. He is learning new things every day. Therapy is going well. My last therapy session, which I described in my last post, was really productive, and I feel like I’m finally starting to really make headway. Not only in addressing some key issues in my life, but I’m also feeling like I am beginning to trust and open up to my therapist – which is huge.

I’m grateful for days like today. 🙂

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Little Guy

As I go through this process of healing from a recent loss, I am trying to focus on the things that I enjoy, the things that make me happy, and the things that are going well in my life. Including the friendships and relationships that are going well. One relationship I want to talk about in this post is the little guy I take care of for my job. On here I’m just going to refer to him as “Little Guy.”

Little Guy is amazing. He’s incredibly smart and inquisitive. He is constantly learning new things and soaking up all the world has to offer.

My relationship with him went through a difficult phase. He was very fussy for a number or months, and would alternate between being happy one second to unbearably unhappy and screeching the next, for seemingly no apparent reason. It distressed me quite a bit, and was actually quite triggering and anxiety provoking.

However, he has come out of that phase (thankfully), and I feel like the connection between him and I has gotten even deeper as a result. We enjoy each others company a lot. He makes me laugh, and I him. We like to make faces at each other. He is simply a joy to be around.

Some of his favorite things: bubbles, going for walks, swinging on the swings, dogs, balloons, trees, musical instruments, his cats, climbing, and books. Oh and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches :).

I am very lucky, and very grateful, to have the job that I do. That I get to spend all day, every day, with Little Guy… I honestly can’t imagine anything I’d prefer. He’s grown so attached to me that now he even starts to cry when I have to leave at the end of the day. He doesn’t want me to leave…

I do realize however that one person (or child in this case) cannot fill the hole that is created by the loss of another. However much I enjoy and appreciate Little Guy, I also cannot try to use him to fill the void that was left by this friendship. For that, I simply must allow myself to sit with the sadness. But even while sitting with the sadness, I can still focus on the people who are in my life right now, right in front of me. They provide me strength, resilience, and ultimately healing.

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