Today I’m feeling unusually happy. For absolutely no apparent reason. Isn’t that the best?!
Perhaps it’s cause it’s Friday. Perhaps it’s cause I’ve had a wonderful day so far with Little Guy and I feel so connected to him and such love for him. And he fell asleep with his little arms wrapped around my neck and his head nestled into the crevice of my neck. 🙂 [Yesterday felt like such the opposite – so much anger and angst and disconnection from everything and everyone.]
So… Today I’m going to enjoy the happy!
She wanders the world as a shadow
Beaten but not broken
She longs for solace in the comfort of kind words, never uttered
In an embrace that never manifests
In the cold of night
In a moment of lonely solitude
She utters to herself kind words
And wraps herself in her own embrace
She has become her greatest ally
Standing strong against the silent world
She settles into the comfort of her mind
She snuggles up to the warmth of her soul
Peace becomes her
Today is the last day of my time off from work. I have no obligations today. The day is for me to do as I chose, and the feeling is wonderful. Besides unpacking and doing some laundry and light cleaning, I am going to relax and watch the Olympics and perhaps journal. Then tonight I’m taking my partner out for a nice dinner to celebrate our five year anniversary.
I’m overcome with feelings of gratitude today. Gratitude for my life; to live in a wonderful city with my partner and my animals; gratitude for my friends; for my amazing therapist; gratitude for this wonderful blogging community and for all of you who read and support me on here. What would I do without this place? What would I do without all of you? You all have enriched my life in more ways than I could ever express.
And then tomorrow I get to see Little Guy again, whom I miss dearly. Almost two weeks away from him – I bet he’s grown a lot!
In this moment, everything feels strangely okay. I think I could get used to this. 🙂
Pic from my drive yesterday.
Today’s the last day of my vacation. Later on we will make the drive home. For now, I’m going to enjoy the quiet and solitude of this cold and misty morning, the beautiful view of the water, the sound the gulls, and the leisureness of this time.
I am filled with joy. I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt such peace. Such tranquility. My life back home is filled with such inner turbulence and turmoil, and this is such a wonderful break from that. I hope to be able to carry some of this peace back home with me. Perhaps my empty fudge box will do. 😉
I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. For my life; for my friends; for this place.
I hope to give you all a piece of this tranquility.
And now, back to my coffee and my quiet thoughts. This world, for the moment, is mine to enjoy. =]
Away from the world
Sitting in my cocoon of comfort
Trees, ocean, grass embrace me
I long for this to be my life
I will enjoy it, while it lasts
I am, at the moment, content
Tonight when it comes
And I lay down my lashes
The sleep will come gently
The fire turning to ashes
I will slip away gently
To the great world of my mind
I will build mountains so high
And flowery fields so fine
And then when I will awake
No more sorrow to be
The sun will come gently
The day will call to me
The mountains, the fields,
The gentleness, the calm
I will take into my day
And let the sorrow move along
And when night comes around
To summon me once more
I will lay down my lashes
I will knock at its door
I want to share with you a miracle that happened this morning. When I woke up this morning, I felt calm. That’s it. That’s the miracle. And it was an amazing and wonderful feeling.
Every morning, pretty much without fail, when the alarm goes off the screaming in my head starts, and I am flooded with terror. The thought of getting out of bed is not only overwhelming, it is unbearable. I wrap myself up even tighter in my covers and delay the inevitable for as long as possible. Finally, when I can’t afford to stay in bed one more minute, I painfully peel the covers back and thrust my body out of the bed despite the shrieks and protests in my mind. The entire morning is spent trying to reassure myself that I’m okay, that I am safe. My partner can hardly say a word to me in the mornings because it usually results in me shrieking, running and hiding, or both.
But not this morning. This morning, when the alarm went off, my mind was quiet. Things actually felt okay. I felt like I was actually able to breathe normally. My heart was beating at its regular speed. I was calm. I was calm.
Every week when I see my therapist, she asks me if my mornings have gotten any better. Every week I tell her, no still hard. I always wondered why she asked, because I didn’t see it changing in the foreseeable future. This has been going on for… well… at least a year.
But it did. It finally changed. I don’t know if this was a one time deal, or a longer lasting change. I don’t know, but I’ll take it. I was actually able to have an adult conversation with my partner this morning, and that is rare if not nonexistent.
So I am feeling a bit up this morning. A celebration of sorts.