Pic from my drive yesterday.
Today’s the last day of my vacation. Later on we will make the drive home. For now, I’m going to enjoy the quiet and solitude of this cold and misty morning, the beautiful view of the water, the sound the gulls, and the leisureness of this time.
I am filled with joy. I can’t remember a time when I’ve felt such peace. Such tranquility. My life back home is filled with such inner turbulence and turmoil, and this is such a wonderful break from that. I hope to be able to carry some of this peace back home with me. Perhaps my empty fudge box will do. 😉
I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. For my life; for my friends; for this place.
I hope to give you all a piece of this tranquility.
And now, back to my coffee and my quiet thoughts. This world, for the moment, is mine to enjoy. =]
Away from the world
Sitting in my cocoon of comfort
Trees, ocean, grass embrace me
I long for this to be my life
I will enjoy it, while it lasts
I am, at the moment, content
Every time I lie down to try and go to sleep, panic overtakes me, so I thought I would write as a way to distract myself.
I’ve been having a lovely vacation. My partner has returned home and several of my good friends have joined me up in the northern part of the state where I am. We have one more full day and then we make the return drive home on Sunday. It went by too quickly!
Today I swam in the chilly waters of the Pacific. My whole body pretty much went numb at some point, but I didn’t mind. I love the ocean! Tomorrow we are driving down the coast a ways to go hiking. I’m looking forward to it, although I have to say I’m not feeling well – feel like I’m coming down with a cold, my back has been acting up, and on top of that my body doesn’t seem to want me to sleep for some reason. Sigh.
We’ve been eating well up here! My favorite restaurant that we’ve been to was this little place that is like an English cottage. They serve these scones that I could eat by the bucketful if I could. Wow. And the omelet? One of the best I’ve ever had.
My pup loves being able to be in so much nature, and run free off lease, far away from the cars and the big mean city dogs lol. (She has an aversion to big, aggressive dogs. Who doesn’t!)
Well my eyelids are growing heavy, and my anxiety seems to have subsided. For now. Fingers crossed it’ll stay that way.
Sending smiles to you all from my very beautiful coastal vacation spot. 🙂
Over the course of the last few days, while I’ve been on vacation, my mind has traversed a variety of emotions that have seemed to come out of nowhere. This is nothing new; unexpected feelings often assail me. And the fact that I’m on vacation does not follow that I’m on vacation from my internal world.
The one that has come up most strongly, albeit fairly infrequently, has been anger and rage. Especially, I’ve noticed, when I’m drinking wine. This also isn’t uncommon. Often dissociated feelings come up when I let me guard down – ie drink. I don’t like being drunk. When I have wine, I usually only have one or two glasses. I don’t like the feeling of being out of control that comes with being drunk. There are a few exceptions: when I go out with my friends for a fun time, for instance. That is few and far between though. For the most part, me + drunk = bad combo. So I don’t do it.
But even with only a drink or two in me, feelings that are often repressed or outside my conscious awareness tend to come up. The most common, it seems, is rage.
When these feelings have come up over the last several days, I’ve tried my best to just let the feelings wash over me and try not to fight them. I’ve learned that fighting them or trying to push them away often makes them worse.
Where this anger and rage comes from, I can only guess. I would assume from other dissociated parts of me. This knowledge (or assumption) doesn’t make the situation any easier though. The feelings are there, and they are big. But I’ve been trying to treat them the same way I try to treat every other part of me: with gentleness and acceptance. Which isn’t to say this is easy. But I’ve noticed when I can accept these feelings and just observe them and allow them to be there actually makes the overall experience of them much more manageable.
Now the question comes into play: what’s behind this anger and rage? I suppose that’s what therapy is supposed to help me with. For now, I’m going to try not to worry about it too much. After all, I have my vacation to enjoy!
Here are some pics that I took yesterday on my trip. The last few are of some turkey vultures I saw flying in the sky near where we’re staying. Now I know how to identify them!
I started getting nervous when they seemed to be circling over my dog. It could have been my own paranoia, or a good protective instinct. Either way it didn’t stop me from continuing to take pictures!
Unfortunately you can’t see their bright red heads from these pics.
Let’s see, where do I start…
I’ve been enjoying my vacation very much. Lots of time for relaxation and rest – both of which are much needed.
My partner and I went for a nice hike yesterday in the valley near where we are staying. We saw a turkey vulture fly right by us! Very cool. Don’t think I’ve ever seen one of those before. We stopped at the visitors center on the way back to the car to see if she could tell us what kind of bird we had seen. That’s when she identified the turkey vulture for us. That was also when she took from me several of the feathers that I had so excitedly collected on our hike through the hills. She confiscated the coolest ones: the hawk feathers. Apparently you aren’t supposed to take them out of the park*…
For the most part it has been cold and foggy here. Today the sun has emerged though, which has made it a lovely and enjoyable day. Even with the sun out, it is still quite cool, which is a nice change from the sweltering heat of the summer where I live.
My pup has been enjoying herself. There’s a large grassy area where I take her for walks, with a beautiful view. She enjoys the grass; I enjoy the lovely view. She gets so excited that she’s off leash and free that she runs sprints around me. It’s great to see her so happy.
Thursday will be me and my partner’s five year anniversary. Five years. Wow how time flies. It’s quite amazing – each day with her seems to get better and better. What would I do without her in my life?
That’s all to report about so far. Not very exciting, eh?
Hope everyone out there in the blogger community is doing well. I’m thinking of you all, and I’m sending some of the cool breezy sunshine your way.
*Next time I’ll be sure to stash my feathers safely away if I go into a visitors center or ranger station rather than holding them out in plain sight. Oops!
Today I’ve been running around, trying to get everything done before I leave for my trip tomorrow. Don’t worry friends, I will have internet access where I am going, and I will be posting from my vacay spot!
I’m so excited. A whole week away. Joy joy joy! I love traveling, and I love road trips, and I love vacations and all that comes along with it. We will be staying near the beach, although where we are going the water is quite cold. That hasn’t stopped me from going in in the past though! (I’m secretly part fish. Okay, now that I’ve shared that I guess it’s not so secret anymore… hehe)
Can you tell I’m in a good mood? Traveling really brings out the best sides of me. Maybe it’s the feeling of escaping the everyday stuff, I don’t know. AND I get to bring my dog along – which is an extra bonus! She’s a great little traveler.
I apologize for falling behind on responses to my blog: I will get to them in the next week, I promise! And I have lots more to update you all about, including my really positive therapy session on Monday!
So… no complaints here!
Okay, well laundry and paying last minute bills and cleaning and packing are are calling! Sending you all a smile and a hug (if you like hugs) and be rest assured that you’ll be hearing from me soon.