To find myself

I look furiously
Past the edges of nothingness
Under the shattered dreams
That lie in a heap on my mind

I find nothing.

New beginnings

Shadows move across my eyes
They multiply making me blind
To myself, my heart it sinks
Deeper into the abyss of the unknown
All that I have known
Is lost on waves carried far from shore
I ignore the haunting screams
That punctuate my dreams
And leave me evermore susceptible
To their grasping fingertips
My lips, they crack and crumble
My feet they stumble on these shards
Of broken glass
As I pass on my way to new beginnings

The myth that is my heart

A heavy heart, weighed down
By mountains of loss
Where do I find my place among
The chaos of this disrepair
Where solitude and peace remain
Ever elusive
Longing for the tide to come and
Sweep me away
But the sands in my heart remain dry
Having been abandoned by the sea
Centuries ago
I know
My place is not here, but where
Belonging nowhere
A drifter in the wind, with nowhere to go
A metaphor
A myth
A lie?
Who am I to say
Who am I to know
Who am I to stay and abandon myself
To the prison bars of apathy

Unraveling

I am lost in a sea of my own mindfulness
Thoughts lap like waves against the walls of my mind
Which hold together my sanity
That has begun to unravel
Or perhaps has always been unraveling

Serenity or sanity – which do you choose?

In my universe

***trigger warning: graphic***

Pain shreds my brain.
STOP.
wanting to turn my insides out
NO.
Shredding skin, please
Piercing flesh, more
Bashing brains
Highway trains
Empty remains
Catatonic explains
To NO ONE
This pain
That rings me inside out.

String me up: like a piñata
Knock me down: to the ground
And do it over and over and over again.
Til all flesh has died
Til all is quiet inside
In my universe

My own captivity

Despair courses through me
Like blood
Pushing, pumping, pulsing
Feelings
Of not being good enough
Not being smart enough
Not being okay enough
Not being well enough
Wishing I could lie down and sleep
Through all eternity
With no one
To understand me
It’s a lonely existence
It’s fake it til you make it
But what if all you are doing
Is faking it
Hiding
Behind a mask of smiles
A bitter laughter
Is what I’ve become
How I long
For once to have a break
From this despair
That’s holding me there
In my own captivity

A Saturated Mind

Myriad cognizance
Intertwining consciousness
Intricate mind weavings
Expansive thought dreamings
Subtle transformation
Nuanced revelation
A saturated mind
Transcends space and time

Life, how fragile a thing
Disease it gnaws at innocence
Lost
All too fragile
Ever too frail
Sitting on the edge of a precarious wing
Love and longing
Pages are burning
Of a book that has yet to be written
Sweetness taken
Our souls forbidden
To hold e’er near
The ones we hold dear

As the world turns

the world goes round and round

up and down

my tears they blink

then hit the ground, like raindrops

scattering around my toes

all our woes dissipate like snow

melting in the sun, everyone

frolics and feels free

you and me, forever

quietly seeking solace

in a gentle caress of the other

my tears, they’ve been shed

now it’s time to rest

in your arms of loneliness

What beauty…

Sometimes I wonder

What beauty is left

When all that is there

Haunts me