Happy!

Today I’m feeling unusually happy. For absolutely no apparent reason. Isn’t that the best?!

Perhaps it’s cause it’s Friday. Perhaps it’s cause I’ve had a wonderful day so far with Little Guy and I feel so connected to him and such love for him. And he fell asleep with his little arms wrapped around my neck and his head nestled into the crevice of my neck. 🙂 [Yesterday felt like such the opposite – so much anger and angst and disconnection from everything and everyone.]

So… Today I’m going to enjoy the happy!

pic-a-day friday

Pic for Friday:

Ugly or beautiful?

Finding Normal

Today I went to the grocery store. I didn’t want to, I’d been putting it off, but I knew we had no food in the house and it was only fair that I went since my partner works longer hours than I do and I have the time after work, that I should go. So I decided to brave it. Rather than it stressing me out and making me feel even more anxious than I usually do, a strange (and welcoming) thing happened. It was okay. It felt fine. Better than fine; it made me feel normal. When I say “normal,” I mean not controlled or bogged down by the constant and overwhelming anxiety that I experience almost every second of the day. All that dissolved, and I was simply in the moment, shopping for brussel sprouts. And it felt really good. And that gave me the motivation to cook dinner, which is another thing I haven’t done in what feels like forever. I made eggplant parmesan, from the recipe my aunt told me about when I visited her. And it was delicious – if I do say so myself ;).

It’s nice to have moments (or evenings) like this. And it reminds me that sometimes I just need to push through the fear and do something that might feel overwhelming, that might be outside my comfort zone (even if it’s something as simple as shopping for groceries), and that after all is said and done, I am okay. That perhaps the “normal” things that “normal” people do perhaps can help me feel more “normal”; instead of crazy, or mental, or messed up, or problem-laden. I don’t want to be stuck in the fear of what might happen, or what feelings might accost me at any given moment. I can challenge myself and I will become stronger as a result.

pic-a-day thursday

Road less traveled

The epitome of conceit

Overly conceited, pompous and brazen
Inflated ego, a conniving chameleon
A manipulative soul who plays people like pawns
A piranha hiding inside a delicate swan
You are probably wondering just who might this be
I raise my hand and answer: me

pic-a-day wednesday

Pic for Wednesday:

Lonely shadows

pic-a-day tuesday

Pics for Tuesday:

metamorphosis: change is possible

pic-a-day monday

I’ve decided to take a little break from writing, and instead share a photo each day this week. I may cheat – if I’m in the mood – and share more than one on any given day, but I can break my own rules, right? The photos I share may be from recent trips, or they may be shots I’ve taken walking around my neighborhood in the city I live.

Enjoy!

******

Pic for Monday:

Contented crab

I crossed a line: a big apology.

I crossed a line with my last post, and I am sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me lately to be honest. But I recognize that my last post went to far. Well, my last several posts, but my last post in particular. I was dragging you all into something that really had nothing to do with any of you. I was feeling hurt, angry, resentful, but… still. Not excuse for how I behaved. No excuse for putting all of that on all of you. And I am sorry. From the bottom of my heart. I was in the mud and I was trying to drag you all through it with me.

Since my last post was particularly harsh and sharp, I have gone ahead and made it private. No one needs to read that again. It doesn’t help or benefit anyone, myself included.

I also apologize to everyone for making my blog private for a short while there earlier today. It was a hasty reaction and one out of fear and defensiveness. I felt backed into a corner and I panicked. I have since come to my sensed and realized the grave I have been digging myself. I don’t want to lose my blog. And I don’t have to. But I do think I need an attitude adjustment. Big time.

For those who I’ve lost as readers because of my harsh words and tone or hasty actions over the last few days, I will accept that as par for the course. I don’t claim to be perfect and I don’t claim to not make mistakes. I just hope that there are some of you left who are still willing to read what I have to write. And while there are those still willing to read this blog, I am still willing to write it.

Tomorrow, thankfully, is a new day.

Foggy morning musings

I’m feeling much better today. To be honest, I’m not sure what came over me. All I can say is that I’m glad I’m out of whatever that was.

Today is overcast and foggy, and those who know me know I love cold and foggy days. Cold and rainy are even better, but I’ll take cold and foggy! (Especially in August!)

My partner and I are driving up to stay in the mountains this weekend. Really looking forward to it. Traveling, as many of you know, makes me very happy. Also I’ll get to see my brother who lives up there and his kids, which will be really nice. I am debating sharing with him what I found out about my grandfather, but I’m not going to say anything. He puts our grandfather on a pedestal more than anyone. I don’t even know the havoc it would cause bringing it up.

Little Guy was still sleeping when I arrived at work this morning, so I have a nice little break. My coffee is brewing, and I’m fairly content. Well, minus the anxiety going on in my body. But that I’m fairly used to by now.

I’m still wanting to post more about my trip to visit my aunt last weekend. I want to share my experiences with you all and include some pics. I took them with all of you in mind! (especially the ones of the scenery)

I’ve got a happy cat on my lap, which prompted the following…

Random question for the day:

Are you more or a dog person or a cat person. Or a both person (like me). And why?