Something just dawned on me. I put a lot of pressure on myself to respond almost immediately to comments made on my blog, as well as to post comments instantly on other people’s blogs. I don’t know why this is. I realize I’ve been doing this the last several days, which is why I’ve been spending way more time reading/responding/commenting than actually writing new posts of my own. I’m following a lot of blogs, so the (self-imposed) need to read and respond immediately to every single one of them is taking up so much of my time. And there’s so much I want to talk about!
(Don’t get me wrong, I love reading everyone’s blog!)
I think it may stem from a deep sense of insecurity. I think I hold a core belief that if I’m not making myself be known (aka showing support, responding immediately) that I will be forgotten about. That the blogging community will move on without me without so much as a thought in my direction. I worry that if I don’t comment, and give feedback, I won’t mean anything to anyone. I will become obsolete.
Like I said above, it’s not that I don’t enjoy reading and commenting. But there are times it almost becomes compulsive. Like I do it out of necessity rather than choice. That if I don’t, this fear of being forgotten and turn into nothingness will take hold and actually become a reality.
I think this stems from being ignored (and often forgotten about) by my mom. I had to make my presence known for her to actually pay attention to me. Otherwise she was just wrapped up in her own stuff.
I’m going to make a conscious effort to let go of this fear, and trust that my fellow bloggers who show me the kindness of following my blog won’t forget about me if I’m not actively commenting on their blogs or responding immediately to their feedback. It’s going to be very difficult, since it’s stepping up and challenging a deeply engrained fear.
It feels very selfish of me to put myself first, but I just have so much I want to write about! I have about seven drafts of posts that I started (most of them have only a title so far) but haven’t actually gotten the time to finish.
Here I go, stepping out into my fear. Please don’t take it personally if I don’t comment as much for the next day or two – this is my own personal challenge ! I must look this fear right in the face! I must prove to myself that my worth is not measured in how much feedback I give, but that I am worth something simply by being me and by sharing what I do. (Whew! That’s a hard one to swallow!)